Volume 06, Issue 15: The Pursuit of Wholeness

Singlehood is a pursuit of completeness. Yet many go through the phase of singlehood unhappy, desperately waiting to get married. The assumption for those with this mindset is that they are incomplete, and a spouse would complete them, make them happy.

As a result, many people get into marriage expecting to be completed. The reality is no human being has the capacity to complete another human being. Your spouse may try their best to make you happy, but he/she would die trying to fill up the holes in you.

The biblical equation of marriage is a celebration of wholeness. It’s one whole person coming together with another whole person. That’s it. If you are half, and marry a whole person, you still couldn’t become whole merely as a result of the union.

Half times half equals a quarter. Even if you are whole but marry someone who is half, you end up with a half. Marriage isn’t about two half people coming together to become one. It is when one whole person comes in union with another whole person that makes one.

Marriage doesn’t make you whole. Only a journey with God makes you whole. If you are looking for the rest of you in someone else, you are setting yourself and your relationship up for failure. God expects us to get into marriage complete. If we ended up there incomplete, it’s upon us to pursue personal wholeness and offer our spouse a whole person.

Marriage doesn’t make you whole; it simply reveals the holes in you. Are you whole or are you in a hole? You are in a hole if you expect your spouse to complete you. God’s desire for us is that we become whole, whether single or married.

Lillian Chebosi