Volume 09, Issue 14: Kindness, The Way To Be

I was out of town for work when I made my first call home, my office refers to such as safe arrival call home. My daughter was the first to answer the phone and after exchanging niceties, she went on to relay her disappointment for not having made the targets she had set for herself in her just completed school exams.

This was coming from a performance improvement plan she had embarked on a few weeks before upon my recommendation after realizing the class she was now in wasn't as easy as her previous classes. Well, that's to put it nicely. What actually happened is that I did put her in a performance improvement plan, she was just responsive enough to embrace it. Unfortunately, it turned out we didn't begin the performance improvement plan early enough to realize radical improvements as she had hoped.

As parents, we want our kids to do well in their studies and extra curricular activities. We help them set targets for themselves and we could be disheartened when they don't meet those targets. What impressed me about myself on the other side of the line when she told me that she fell shot of her targets and how disappointed with herself she was, is that I spontaneously turned into a powerful encourager.

I helped this young girl see that she had made good improvement under the circumstances, and that she was at a vantage point of surpassing her targets in the next exams as she continues with her performance improvement plan. She was already set on continuing with the plan through the school holidays and carry on with it when the new school term commences thereafter. I helped her see that she had proved that she is capable of getting back in the range of marks she used to get in her previous classes.

I was impressed when she called me the next morning, a Saturday, at the hour she used to wake up to study. She was already hitting the road running to prepare for the next term. Wow! All kids need is a lot of loving kindness and direction. She didn't need me to drum into her head that she needed to work harder. All she needed was a little encouragement. She needed to be told that it was okay even if she didn't do as well as expected, and more importantly, she needed to hear that I had faith in her, that I believed she was smart enough to succeed.

It gets to an age when we can't make our children do the things we want them to do. Our kids need us to show them the vision, then they take it from there, run with it. The manner in which we guide them, motivate them, and have them own the consequences of their choices makes all the difference. I remember telling my son that Friday evening when he got on the call that I was proud of him irrespective of whether he was going to meet his targets for his new class or not.

Treating people with kindness and respect has always been close to my heart. The morning after these conversations, I had just finished a 7 days' YouVersion Bible reading plan titled "Kindness Changes Everything" provided by the Convoy of Hope from Hal Donaldson's "Your Next 24 Hours" book when I turned to my notebook to jot down my take home from the study. I wanted to make a point to remember to be relentlessly kind. Then it occurred to me to share what I was learning. That had me going back to the first day of the study all the way to the last day to pick up all the nuggets I want to live by, so that someone else may get inspired to do the same. Let's explore all that next week.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi