Equipping young women professionals with young families to find fulfillment, contentment and joy as mothers and home makers without losing sight of who they are as women.

Volume 09, Issue 27: The Science Behind Joy

I have always known that joy is essential from the Word of God that exhorts us to rejoice always. What I hadn't fully grasped is the difference joy makes in individual and relational well being until I read a YouVersion Bible plan provided by Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey from their book "4 Habits Of A Joy-Filled Marriage".

"Rejoice, and again I say rejoice". Joy must be really important for Paul to have repeated it in one short sentence in the Bible. Additionally, for it to be something we are asked to do means that it's not automatic, but rather something we must be intentional about. We have to fight to prevent life's circumstances from stealing our joy. There are times I talk myself out of worrying, force a smile on my face and try to get my joy to manifest.

I was interested in the study on joy because of my interest in the subject of rest. You may have all the time in your hands to rest from work, but if you lack joy and fun, you might as well stay at work. My take is that rest needs to be accompanied by some form of gladness and enjoyment for it to count as true rest. Reading this study on joy last month gave me a new outlook on why I must fight to keep my joy. It is true that joy is a powerful motivator in life.

In their book, Marcus and Chris espoused on the science behind joy. Although their study is specific to marriage, the foundation is applicable in all phases of life. I am now going to share parts of their writings below to spur up your interest on the subject. Here is what they had to say on the matter;

One of the most startling revelations to come out of the latest breakthroughs in human science is the discovery that there's no more powerful motivator in life than joy. It is nearly universally recognized that your brain functions at its best when it's running on the fuel of joy. You may not have realized it, but joy is the key to long-lasting marital bliss.

Your emotional capacity directly relates to joy. Emotional capacity can be thought of as your ability to bounce back from difficult emotions or hard situations. When you fall in love, your emotional capacity soars. The rush of joy gives you an emotional high that makes you feel like nothing can get you down.

Joy is the key to emotional capacity. When you have lots of joy, life just works better. When joy is high, your marriage also works better. However, as you may have discovered, joy can be an elusive thing. Most of us have no idea what causes joy or how to revive it when it begins to fade.

Strictly speaking, love is not a choice. Love is attachment. It is a bond you share through good times and bad. You can choose to do loving things. You can choose to do kind things. You can choose to feel love. However, the more joy you build into your marriage, the more that feeling of being "in love" will stay strong and grow.

Falling in love is all about joy. When you fall in love with someone, you experience a "joy explosion" in your brain that floods your body with hormones (like dopamine and oxytocin) that make it hard not to smile. Couples who stay in love throughout their married lives are couples who excel at the art of keeping their joy levels high. The opposite is also true. Low joy couples are in trouble. Falling "out of love" is all about the absence of joy.

A joy gap is the length of time between moments of shared joy. But when too much time passes between moments of shared joy, a joy gap is created that makes you feel distant and alone in your marriage. The wider the joy gap becomes, the more likely it's for your problems to overwhelm you. Not only does the gap rob you of intimacy, but the gap begins filling with resentment, and bad habits can begin to form that keep you apart instead of bringing you together.

We won't get into the variety of brain science-based exercises provided by Marcus and Chris that help build a joy-filled marriage but we get the point. We all need joy to thrive. My main takeaway from this study is that our brains function at their best when they are running in the fuel of joy. Life works better when we are full of joy. So let's keep the pursuit of joy at the fore of our key pursuits.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi

Volume 09, Issue 26: Second Half with a Bang!

It dawned on me today that it's half time. We are on the verge of starting the second half of the year, and what an opportunity this presents us to reset the clock and get ourselves on the way, and/or back on the way to a strong finish of each of our 2019 races.

If you are like me, with a few setbacks here and there and bit of sluggishness and distractions, you have dropped a few balls along the way thus far. Today it dawned on me that those dropped balls don't have to remain on the sidelines, and I don't have to remain unintentional about getting them back in the game. They can still make their way into the net.

I want to finish strong, finish what I started when the year began. Just like you, as the first half flipped through, I maintained a good balance of a majority of my balls, but a few balls rolled off the pitch. I need to grab a hold of my stray balls and get back the power of intention going for those as well.

I am reminded of the story of the lost sheep, how the good shepherd left the 99 to go after the 1 that had strayed away from the flock. Looking at your goals as your "100" sheep, how many "ones" have strayed off that you need to bring back to the fold so that you can finish strong? Going after the "one" doesn't jeopardize the "ninety nine" because you have formed strong habits around those to keep them in line.

I got sloppy about showing up on time and keeping time. I got sluggish about being intentional about a few things. This second half gives me an opportunity to reset the clock and get back in line. Which balls have you dropped along the way during the first half of 2019? Where have you been sluggish? What do you need to get a better hold of? Which balls need your refined focus and attention?

What better time to reset the clock than now. Let's grab this opportunity and give our new year reflections and intentions a strong finish. When the curtains fall, we don't want to be part of the statistics of those who didn't finish what they started. We don't want any of ours to be yet another unaccomplished goal when the year draws to a close. Let's get our stray balls back in the game and finish strong.

Perhaps your first half has been so floppy that you are on the verge of giving up hope of ever achieving your goals this year. The game is not over until the final whistle is blown. I have watched many movies of matches where a strong team makes a mess of the first half of the game. The matches I enjoy watching most are the ones where the coach challenges his team to show what they are made of and turn tables around in the second half. You have a chance to make good your intentions for 2019. The time is now, grab a hold of your second half and turn tables around for the final scores.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi

Volume 09, Issue 25: Laughter, part of the Original Plan

This week I have studied a laughter plan and started a plan on habits of a joy-filled marriage on the YouVersion Bible app. These are not new notions but I am mesmerized and can't wait to delve in and begin to seriously start taking the recommended actions. We have spoken a lot about rest lately but nothing can be more refreshing than a continual feeling of joy.

Life gets busy, stressful and demanding that we honestly forget to play and laugh. Even if you are in a less-occupied state at the moment, the feeling of boredom, uncertainty and restlessness can quench the fun of life out of you. I personally do laugh here and there, but I could do with a lot more laughing in my life. I want to play more and enjoy a good laugh on a regular basis.

Today I am going to share excerpts from the YouVersion Bible laughter plan written by comedy writer Martha Bolton. We will see the importance of getting a daily dose of laughter. You may be thinking there are more serious things to focus on in life than read and ponder how to incorporate more laughter in your life. I agree that the demands on us are real, but we could all do with a healthy sense of humor.

Plenty of scripture addresses the benefits of joy and laughter. The Bible says it's medicine. A merry heart does good like medicine. A happy heart is a continual feat, Proverbs 17:22.

In spite of the ups and downs of life, and perhaps even because of them, the Bible tells us to get our daily dose of joy. Laughter-induced endorphins are beneficial to our health much like a regular exercise program.

If we can teach ourselves to smile, giggle and laugh on a regular basis, we will be better off for it. After all, God created us with the ability to laugh. It's not something we have to wait to use either. Smiling and giggling are two of the first things a baby learns to do, even before crawling and walking.

Living a laughter-filled life doesn't mean you don't have challenges or that you won't feel pain and sorrow. We all face difficulties that we have to get through. Laughter is a tool that can help us do that. Laughter can get our minds off our situations - at least for a moment, and many times it can improve them.

So don't pass over those Bible verses about laughter and joy, thinking they are lightweight or unimportant. When you go through hard times, every scripture about joy matters. These verses are like a life jacket being thrown out to you, helping you hang on just a little while longer. In other words, when life is at its least funny, that's when you need to laugh the most.

Don't think of yourself too busy, too serious, too sophisticated or too holy to let loose and have a good belly laugh. Medical science has proven there are clear benefits to a healthy sense of humor.

When God created Adam and Eve, he gave them the equipment to laugh. Laughter wasn't an add-on after the fall. The muscles we need to laugh, and the brain cells we need to understand a laugh, were part of the original design. God knew laughter would be a healthy thing for us to do, both when life is going well for us and when it's not. And that original equipment was built to last a lifetime. So why have so many of us allowed our laugh muscles to rust in place?

Laughter releases us from the unhealthy thinking that life has to be or is supposed to be perfect. Laughter is realizing so much about life is out of our control. It validates the fact that no matter what our circumstances happen to be, this too shall pass. Let's challenge ourselves to put our laughter muscles to use in good days and not-so-good days alike.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi

Volume 09, Issue 24: Reality Check

The last few weeks I have struggled with staying on top of things amidst a very demanding work schedule. Instead of slowing down on my personal development activities, I determined to get things moving as much as I could. It got me thinking about the power of intention, but also the importance of admitting the setback.

What do you do when you are met with a setback in your tracks? Do you push through or call it quits until your situation changes? I have found that I don't easily admit defeat even when I should. I went back to the hospital this week after continuing to experience heavy headedness and dizziness especially in the morning and after a long stretch of work in the evening. The tests revealed no traces of infection, so there's nothing to treat. This is very disturbing for someone who hardly ever gets sick.

Despite the setback, I still want go out for my morning walk and to the gym. Yesterday I thought I would probably be better off putting my routines on hold until I get better, but I doubt I can bring myself to do that. Despite the heavy workload, I still determine to find ways to make up for my dwindling lunch break for relaxing, reading and writing. I want to still deliver quality results at work and in my personal life. I don't want to come to the end of the year with excuses for not keeping the commitments I made to myself.

I should probably find ways to slow down if my problem is burn out. My next break is coming up in a couple of weeks. Until then, I am being a lot more lenient on myself where possible. Most days this week I have settled for half my walk and left out gym workout altogether, and I am also sharing my chores with my family members and cleaning lady.

Have you experienced any setbacks this year? How are you dealing with your setbacks? Whatever your approach, my take is that two things are essential. First, admit the setback and be kind to yourself. Secondly, don't call it quits on your goals, remain true to your actions plans in whatever shape or form you can.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi

Volume 09, Issue 23: Start with a Plan

Do you ever find yourself so busy, yet at the end of the day or week you haven't tackled what you believe to be the most value addition for your role, what is most needed or expected from you. Do you find that you have been so busy but haven't worked on the things you know how to do so well but require a lot of concentration? In the absence of a strong plan, you allow urgent tasks to take over your days, and before you know it, you haven't really attended to what makes you stand out from the pack.

I wanted to revisit the importance of aiming at something everyday rather than letting the day take its own direction. In my work, I find that if I don't start with a plan of what I want to accomplish by the end of each day, I find myself busy with many other genuine tasks that steal away the time I should dedicate to achieving the goals I have determined to be the most important for the day.

What’s your plan for today? I find that if I don’t aim at something, whether it’s a work day at the office or weekend, I come to the end the day feeling not very fulfilled. Just because you leave your house to go to work every other morning doesn’t mean you are aiming at something. You could be just going through the motions, doing this and that but not necessarily doing what you must get done to arrive at your goals.

Whether it's professional work or otherwise, a lifetime goal is not something you leave for some day in the future, it is attained by your daily actions. Dreams rarely come to pass by chance, we make them happen by the things we do day by day. If I don't have a plan for my lunch break or other transition times, I end up wasting the time scrolling through my phone or something of the sort.

You need to have something you are aiming at every day for the different pockets of your time. Your goals may change as time goes by, but have some kind of a plan every day. Have a plan for the day for yourself, for you work, for your home, for the people in your life, and so forth. Things may not always go as planned, and that’s okay. What counts is that you had an intention for the day.

A goal gives you focus and pushes you to perform. You want to come to the end of your day feeling accomplished, knowing you gave it your all. It doesn’t have to be complicated. In addition to my slot by slot daily work calendar, most days my plan for lunch break is to read a few pages of a book, write a few paragraphs and check my messages or make a phone call. I have a solid plan of listening to podcasts when driving, meal prepping and while at the gym.

Every day, you’ve got to shoot at something. Have something you are targeting to accomplish for the day. If you get up every day and you’re not shooting at anything, you cut yourself short. At work, lay out what you want to accomplish that day and go for it. Do the same for your personal life, and for the people in your life. This is how we get ahead.

Every day, you’ve got to shoot at something. Some days may be all about work, and no play. Some days may have a little bit of both. Some days may have a lot going, stretching you to the limit, while other days you may plan to be a lot laid back. If I rest all day, it’s because I planned to rest all day, not that I got carried away by the couch or the remote when I had some kind of work planned.

Start your day with a plan, then do your best to stay true to your plan. You will accomplish your goals, and eventually, your dreams will become a reality.

For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi