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Volume 13, Issue 07: Poised Detachment

My most recent experience this month was unnerving. It left me wanting to escape to an attitude of being unbothered - to possess the ability to maintain a calm and unaffected demeanor in the presence of external disturbances. But I soon realized that I needed to do that in the right way.

Having been unsettled and disrupted yet again by someone offloading on me from one of their low moments, I realized that this was happening way too often for my liking. Seeing that I couldn't necessarily get away from them, I needed to once and for all establish boundaries for myself to ensure I don't continue being a victim of their unsettled disposition every now and then.

When I prayerfully considered embracing an unbothered demeanor, given that I was in a state of distress, my approach was selfish. I wanted to not care. But in no time, the Lord enlightened me to a better approach - to embrace an unbothered mindset that leads to compassion and empathy.

I want to no longer dread reading someone's disheartening messages or wondering what terrible things they wrote and sent to me then deleted before I could read them. Instead, I want to approach their disruptive messages in the right perspective of appreciating that it's about them, and their unresolved pain, not me. My head has always known that, but my heart has been having a hard time registering that lately. It's about time my heart got the memo.

With an unbothered mindset in my armor, when someone is fighting with themselves but expressing it to me, I would refuse to get caught up in the fight. It may seem like they are attacking me, but I should not be fooled. The fight has nothing to do with me. Instead, see their fight for what it really is, a plea to be helped with their burden and extend compassion and empathy to them. I can't do that if I get all tangled up in the fight and feeling hurt. I can only do that effectively when I know from deep down in my heart that the fight has nothing to do with me.

Have you ever found yourself in a place of needing to take cover by being unbothered? How should you carry yourself? I suggest you try to completely disengage yourself from the person's tantrums. Treat them well, don't talk behind their back and don't bother them. But most importantly, don't allow yourself to be bothered by them. Under no circumstances should we allow ourselves to be bothered by other people's tantrums.

However, we must appreciate that maintaining a state of equanimity can be challenging to live out consistently, especially in the face of various stressors and challenges. It often requires self-awareness, emotional regulation skills, and sometimes a shift in perspective. It's a gradual process of growth and development that takes time and practice to master.


For His Glory,

Lillian Chebosi



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